Feeling Very Alone

I'm not going to sit here and whine that I'm the only one trying to serve God. I know I'm not. I know there are others asked to commit/give up/sacrifice more than what has been expected of me.

It's just that I've had a few conversations recently (internet and IRL) that has made me realize what my role as a pastor's wife means. A couple of friends who are pastor's wives just had their husband's blogs discovered by church members. I guess the blogs weren't very pastorly, and one got removed from his church. There might have been a legitimate reason, I have no idea. I don't know the details and don't need to know. However, it made me consider, what have I written on this public board and would it shock anyone? I don't think I've written anything to offend *individuals* in my church. I did try to be honest with my feelings as we began our new church - kind of a journal of how starting a church really feels. There are so many unknowns out there.

But, I just had a friend say that my husband doesn't really understand what it's like to work in the REAL world. He will always be a pastor and wouldn't lose his job because he works less hours. Well, true, he wouldn't lose his job for working less hours, but the BIG pressure is will this new church really get its own legs and be able to support itself AND US? I mean, if the people within the church aren't giving (and since they are mostly new Christians, they are sporadic), what kind of financial security is that??

And I really don't care about our finances. But, most people in this area do! In fact, there's a real pressure to have a beautiful house, to have the vacations whenever you please, and to attend church only when it's convenient. It's invasive - this mindset. And we really don't teach that it's okay to have your beautiful house and everything is right in your life. We really teach character development. We don't care about your finances, but are you giving? If your finances increase, is your giving increasing? If you have a beautiful house - wonderful! That means, you have a home to reach out and invite neighbors over to learn more about God. I think we believe wholeheartedly that we are BLESSED to be a BLESSING. And to stop at the point that God just wants to bless us is SHALLOW. It's not wrong, it just stops short of the real reason God keeps us on this earth - to love others as Christ loved us.