Feeling Very Alone

I'm not going to sit here and whine that I'm the only one trying to serve God. I know I'm not. I know there are others asked to commit/give up/sacrifice more than what has been expected of me.

It's just that I've had a few conversations recently (internet and IRL) that has made me realize what my role as a pastor's wife means. A couple of friends who are pastor's wives just had their husband's blogs discovered by church members. I guess the blogs weren't very pastorly, and one got removed from his church. There might have been a legitimate reason, I have no idea. I don't know the details and don't need to know. However, it made me consider, what have I written on this public board and would it shock anyone? I don't think I've written anything to offend *individuals* in my church. I did try to be honest with my feelings as we began our new church - kind of a journal of how starting a church really feels. There are so many unknowns out there.

But, I just had a friend say that my husband doesn't really understand what it's like to work in the REAL world. He will always be a pastor and wouldn't lose his job because he works less hours. Well, true, he wouldn't lose his job for working less hours, but the BIG pressure is will this new church really get its own legs and be able to support itself AND US? I mean, if the people within the church aren't giving (and since they are mostly new Christians, they are sporadic), what kind of financial security is that??

And I really don't care about our finances. But, most people in this area do! In fact, there's a real pressure to have a beautiful house, to have the vacations whenever you please, and to attend church only when it's convenient. It's invasive - this mindset. And we really don't teach that it's okay to have your beautiful house and everything is right in your life. We really teach character development. We don't care about your finances, but are you giving? If your finances increase, is your giving increasing? If you have a beautiful house - wonderful! That means, you have a home to reach out and invite neighbors over to learn more about God. I think we believe wholeheartedly that we are BLESSED to be a BLESSING. And to stop at the point that God just wants to bless us is SHALLOW. It's not wrong, it just stops short of the real reason God keeps us on this earth - to love others as Christ loved us.

It's our FIRST BIRTHDAY

I can't believe it has been 1 whole year of public church services at our local high school. Tomorrow is the anniversary of our church "launch."

Today, we reduced the price of regular gas by 25¢ at our local 7-eleven (it was $1.86 per gallon). People were very happy to receive this gift from us. I hope many of them decide to attend our church. This week has been pretty rough, though. Our middle son got the flu and then gave it to our other sons. So, I couldn't help my husband at the gas station. We were low on people being able to be there, because our music director was out of town w/her family, and they had to have praise team practice today, right at the time of the gas buy-down. Other families had to work or whatever they do. Then, my husband really has an awful cough and was losing his voice. I didn't want him to wear himself out in the cold wind, because tomorrow, we're having a celebration/lunch for our 1st anniversary. AND, I can't go to church tomorrow, because I can't bring sick boys to church!

So what did happen? A new family (just visited for the 1st time last week) joined my husband plus a couple of other guys from church. If we didn't have them, we wouldn't have had enough people to survey and talk to the people in line waiting to get discounted gas. I came the last hour and kept my sick boys in the van. I'm glad I came because it was good getting out there and talking to the people letting them know about our church.

When tomorrow is over, I know my husband will heave a huge sigh of relief. He really had it rough, this week. Besides being very under the weather, reports for our church plant had to be finished and due, and he began a new class for his masters. We'll be going into our last funded year for the church plant.

This taught me that, next time, we ought to do a sign-up for the next outreach we have. We should assign people to ONE hour. One hour is manageable, AND it really gives people the spark of excitement that serving in the community does. All of those people really don't know what they missed out on. When all you do is take in, you get bloated. Serving is exercise for the soul. You can quote me on that.