I finished my first year as a special education teacher

As you can see, a lot has happened in the last year. About a year ago, our special education director called me and asked me if I'd like to become the special ed teacher via provisional license. I had already taken a required special education course. At the moment that it was posed to me, I was very nervous. Being a teacher's aide was wonderful. I didn't have any worries. In fact, when I read over my typical day, it seemed so idyllic! This past year was not like that, at all!!!

However, I felt a strong urging to attempt the teaching position. I could see the storm brewing - the recession. What if this were the provision God gave us to weather this storm? Not only that, my husband felt this was a good decision.

Being provisionally licensed means that with my B.S. degree and the special ed course I took, I promise to complete the rest of the required courses plus 2 certification exams to obtain official teacher certification. I do this while working FT as a special ed teacher.

Did I feel like I was drinking from a water hydrant? You bet! All year long. I learned how to write IEP's, set up BIP's, analyze cognitive tests, deal with failing kids, and even handle a student that had to do with due process (yikes). I taught my own reading class and collaborated with a history, science, English, and math teacher. I learned the state standardized test objectives in all of those subjects. Whew. Besides that, I took the GRE, the 2 certification exams (passed), obtained entry into a college master's program for special ed, and have taken about 4 more classes. I am taking 3 this summer and tutoring a student. But next fall, I only need to take 1 class per semester, and will probably finish my coursework by next year at the end of the summer. AFTER that, I will take a few more classes for my master's. However, I need to pass a couple more exams to complete the master's program. I'm not thinking about that, yet, though.

I learned a few things about myself through all of this chaos. One, whenever we are required to do something, it IS possible to do it. I've done more this year than I have in my entire life. I didn't think it was possible. Two, this was a wise choice we made. All of those families that wavered back and forth finally decided to leave our church. This left a huge gap, financially, for our church. We still average around 80 in attendance, but most of those are visitors, new attenders, and new believers. We had a couple of months that my husband could not get paid his regular salary. If I hadn't been getting paid my FT teacher salary, we would have been in a mess.

Three, I've had to do a lot of things I didn't like doing. I've had to confront students, be honest with co-workers, and pull back on socializing with friends. I've become more cynical, more realistic, but probably, more balanced, as a person. I think I was too idealistic and my head was in the clouds. I am still very hurt and disappointed with some of my friends who have left our church. They all left on pretense of my husband doing something that offended them. They thought he should've done more visitation. They didn't like how a monetary gift was handled. They thought he was too bossy. They thought he wasn't sensitive enough. Really, none of the reasons were big issues. None were major character flaws on my husband's part. I know my husband's flaws and those people didn't mention his major flaw! None of them mentioned what a messy guy he is and how he doesn't clean up after himself! Now, if they had mentioned that, I would've wholeheartedly agreed with them, lol! Anyway, all of their reasons for leaving were so petty. A part of me wants to email all of them and say, we offended you?? YOU offend ME! (I'm venting).

All of this to say, things have changed quite a bit. I'm working FT as a teacher. I'm taking classes to finish up my certification. I'm tutoring to get extra money. My husband is still pastoring, but now, to a fairly new group of people in our church. ALL of our core team members have left. My husband is trying to find some PT jobs to make ends meet. He's now truly a bi-vocational church planter. We both agree that being bi-vo is a great plan. Having a pastor that understands the daily grind the average person goes through, and can show by example, that he is a witness in his workplace, is a good thing.

We don't know what will happen with the church. We are keeping our eyes wide open. We realize that this could be the beginning of the end of our church plant. Or, God could have other plans. However, I do have a peace about everything that has happened. I cling to God and His righteousness. We want to have integrity in everything that we do. I know that we did not try to hurt anyone in any way. We did not manipulate, we did not use, we did not wrong people. And, I want to make sure that I remain as wise as a serpent but as harmless as a dove.

Maybe next year, I'll be able to post that we got over this hurdle! Or maybe I'll be posting my last blog under this pseudonym. Either way, I don't regret one thing we've done, and if we could do it all over again, I would. There has been much good that has come about through this whole process.